I will be honest. I came close to not posting today. The original material that I was working on for today’s post is far from complete despite the time that I have worked on it. What was meant for today will simply have to be rescheduled. While I can live with that, there is something I will discuss today, and that is burnout. I have it.
Just this last Tuesday, my photography instructor Erik Sohner was discussing productivity and dealing with burnout, including his own experience with burnout from heavy production work loads during his time studying at Brookes Institute. However, apart from the story of his own experience and the admonition to power through the feeling, there was little offered in the form of advice on how to overcome it. But honestly, I am not sure I can fault him. I have experienced extreme burnout before (worse than I am experiencing now), and I do not have an answer on how to overcome its effects.
The irony, at least superficially, is that I just started this college quarter. How could I be burnt out already? Well, the truth is I have been doing full-time college, part-time working for three years and also have not had a vacation in four years. I have been wanting to hit a pause button for a while and take time off from college, but to do so would require advance planning financially, including possibly looking for an additional job. On top of that, I have been driving to finish college, telling myself that I will finally take a sabbatical year once I have obtained my associate in applied science in photography as well as my associate in arts degree.
As things stand, that still means no break until after I finish in spring of next year. I am not sure how I am going to find the energy to put forth the level of engagement that I want and need to give if I don’t find some kind of respite. Just this week, I stopped taking my camera bag with me to class. During most days in my classes, I do not require my camera unless an instructor has said that we should bring ours, but I have rarely been seen on campus without it, simply because I always wanted to have either of my two main cameras with me just in case there might be something interesting to photograph. One student I know once commented that she had never seen me without my camera bag. However, lately it has just been extra effort, extra weight, extra preparation, extra thinking.
For now, this feeling of fatigue is difficult to deal with. I still love photography, and I am still taking photos (albeit often with my smartphone or to some extent with my film cameras). I still have ideas too. I am just tired–tired of years of stress and work. I hope somehow I can still make this quarter work because it is the last quarter of college in my photography degree program apart from one class that I need to retake next winter.
Wish me luck, I guess.
P.R.